Sunday School: The Finding The Good Edition

This week has been interesting. For the past few days I’ve been on a high because of some very good things, but tonight I find myself in a funk, tearing up and getting crabby for the tiniest (and one kind of big) reason. I have no real explanation except that duty may be taking its toll on me. Holding the phone and knowing I’ll have to respond at any moment can be wearing. My immune system has taken a bit of a beating and I have dark(er) circles under my eyes due to this week. But I’m determined to find the good because that’s what I do. It’s who I am. Here’s what I’ve learned over the course of this week:

• Keep your friends close and your hair stylist closer. Being friends with the woman who owns the salon I go to is very very valuable. My friend called me this week in need of a color model. I basically got a very good, very expensive Aveda hair coloring for free because I help spread the gospel of this amazing salon. So now I’m a redhead again and I’ve saved some money I’d squirreled away for highlights. My hair, heart and wallet are all very satisfied right now.
• There is no high like being published. On Friday, the first blog post I submitted to the SA Collaborative Blog (Google it) was approved and went live. I’ve wanted to write for this site for nearly two years, so being accepted as a contributor is a big deal. That same day, the article I submitted to a regional Res-Life magazine was published for all Midwestern Res-Lifers to behold. Seeing my words in black and white and my name in a by-line is a high that will never get old. I’m so proud of myself right now!
• A lesson learned again and again–long-distance relationships are hard. Tonight I came to a rough realization that I may not get to see my boyfriend at all this semester due to schedules and tight budgets. While the budget smack-down is necessary because I need to save for my future, it really hurts knowing that we likely won’t be spending our anniversary together. Prioritizing in this way is in no way easy–my heart hurts right now. (And I really wish I could win the lottery or find a wealthy benefactor willing to happily donate some cash to a long-distance couple hellbent on making it work.)
• I feel important when I have a planner. I’m not using it for work-related things–that’s what Outlook is for. Instead I invested in a lovely girly planner to plan out Skype dates and get me on-track with my writing.  It’s my Life Planner and it’ll help get me (and keep me) organized. A visual reminder will help me to take time for myself, which I need at this point in my life.
• Two more recipes were learned this week: crunchy French toast sticks and a KP spin on the Patty Melt. Both were delicious and now I’m feeling all sorts of chef-like because I conquered diner foods.
• I’m magical. No, seriously. At least four different times this week I’ve thought of something and then it’s happened or come into my life no more than 24 hours later, whether it was a song playing on the radio an hour after I thought of it, a random TLC series I thought was done for (Strange Sex is now airing on OWN and it is awesome) or news that I needed/wanted to hear coming through…I’m magical. As New Age-y as it sounds, The Secret is real and working in my life (even if I’m not consciously practicing its principles because I’m not).

This week has been a roller coaster. Some huge highs were set off by some lows–it’s life. But I’m determined to see the good despite the challenges I’ve mentioned. Though I might not be able to see my boyfriend on our anniversary I know that the distance is ultimately strengthening our relationship–if we can make it through this we can make it through anything. I truly believe that. Just like I truly believe that life is wonderful, despite the stresses of work and the random bouts of fear that sometimes plague my life. I just need to keep my head up and find the good. Keeping some of these lessons in mind is a good way to start.

Friday Five: 2012 Edition

Though the we’re well into the new year, I’ve been a bit slow on the uptake with keeping up with traditions and following through on some things, like blog posts. This is partially because I spent the first week of 2012 relaxing and cuddling/kissing  my boyfriend as much as possible and partially because I wanted to reevaluate what I wanted to do this year. This is why my resolutions blog post came in time for the Chinese New Year and, uh, not the calendar one. It’s also why it’s taken a bit to write my first Sunday School and Friday Five posts. That and my life has been utterly busy this month and I haven’t been intentional about how I spend my time.  What can I say–I’m a work in progress.

Since this is the first official FF post of the year, I bring to you two lists. Because I’m in a list-y kind of mood.

Five Things You Will Always Find in My Kitchen…Even If They May Seem Weird To Some People

• Teriyaki sauce. I would teriyaki the fuck out of everything if I could. I absolutely adore this flavoring. It’s the reason I stir fry so much. I also add it to burgers and steaks and use it as a dipping sauce for french fries when I run out of ketchup.
• Sweet potatoes. I love them so SO much. In every form. Yum.
• Coconut milk. Right? It’s odd. But it’s good and refreshing and for some reason I drink it just enough to usually have a can in my fridge.
• Lady Grey Tea. My absolute favorite. It’s not as strong as Earl Grey and is good with some sugar or with a bit of milk or cream. It’s perfect for rainy afternoons or a strong-ish morning wake up as I’m writing before work.
• Raisins and Spice oatmeal. It sounds like such a grandpa purchase, but I was sad when they took it off the market for a while, so now that it’s back I practically hoard it. I cleaned my cupboards out last weekend and found I had nearly three boxes of it because I get excited every time I see it in stores.
• Bonus item: Trenary Toast. If you’re not a Yooper you won’t know what this is but it’s delicious and so much better than biscotti or real toast in the morning. My heart cries when I don’t have any in the house so I make my mom send me packages of it since you can only find it in the UP. LOVE IT SO MUCH!

Five Things Rocking My World Right Now

• Aveda hair coloring. I adore my stylist and her incredible Aveda salon. I’m officially a redhead again thanks to her and her wondrous colorings and coworkers. (And for free! Because it pays to be friends with people who own places! Yay reciprocity!)
• This pina colada candle I got on super-clearance at Bed, Bath and Beyond. It smells like an island. I don’t even need to light it. I put it near my heater and it emits it’s lovely coconut-y scent. Yum.
• Red lipstick. Because I feel like I can kick ass and save the world every time I wear it.
• Vintage-esque button earrings. They’re a nice alternative to the dangly earrings I usually wear and I feel classy whenever I wear them. I need some class in my life.
• Glee. Because it’s finally finding its stride…ten episodes in. Mr. Schu’s proposal was incredibly touching, the Michael Jackson episode should be incredible and I like the story lines they’re setting up. Keep it up, Glee writers!

Sunday School: The Skype Me Edition

I normally like Sunday nights. It’s a chance to relax, unwind, catch some interesting (or bad) reality TV and reflect on the week I’ve had. Tonight, though, I found myself being all sorts of whiny about tomorrow being Monday. I felt like I was back in college, dreading my 8 am class the next morning, trying to hold on to as much of the remaining weekend as possible because it was so damn fun. Because that’s how this weekend was–all sorts of fun. It was perfect in its own little, quirky ways. And it taught me a lot.

• The main lesson of this past week? I. Love. Skype. How can I not? I’ve had three Skype dates in the past three days with three amazing people. It’s so good to catch up with old friends, reminisce about our shared glory days and reconnect. It’s also amazing to see the face of the person I love and be able to have heart-to-heart conversations while looking him in the eye.
• I want more Skype dates. So if you’re reading this and you’re my friend and you have Skype, holla at me because seriously I adore this whole Skype date thing.
• Also good to do while Skyping? Drink. But only in a sippy cup. Because if you’re as clumsy as me, at some point during the conversation you’ll be giggling and tipsy and be holding your glass and it may somehow fall from your grasp. Sippy cups are good insurance if this is the case. Trust me on this.
• My friend and I found the ugliest ring in the history of ever while Skyping.  It’s called “D Best” but really it should be called “D Worst. D Worst Ever.” because I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a more ugly engagement ring in my entire existence. (There are a lot of really bad rings on that site–if you have some time and want to be entertained peruse that whole section. Trust me.)
• Speaking of ugly, something I can’t wrap my mind around is this suit I saw. It was brown with blue stitching and pin striping on it. I’m not against the brown and blue combination…when it’s for baby showers. But if it’s a combination for a suit? No. For the hell of it, I tried it on. I looked like a giant brown turd–with blue accents! Somehow I don’t think this would get me or anyone else a job….
• Target is a giant sucking money hole. A lovely, shiny, wonderful sucking money hole but still–a money hole nonetheless. I was careful when I went in there and still I ended up spending more than I wanted on stuff I needed. I was being frugal! I’m militant about my budget smack-down! And yet? They got more than I wanted to give. Am I going to need to swear off Target in order to stay on-budget? That’d be awful.
• This whole living-on-a-tight-budget thing is starting to get on my nerves. I’m not going to stop, but it’s rough. I didn’t realize how much I spent on really silly frivolous things until I put myself on a budget and set some strict guidelines for myself. In the long-run this will be so good for me, but until I get used to living more frugally, it’s going to be tough. I just have to keep my mind on the future. KP: future focused! Hopefully soon it will begin to feel good instead of like my soul is crying because I won’t buy a new book or cute necklace.
• Sunday nights = not a good night to call old friends. I always thought most people spend the night kicking back with the Kardashians and/or catching up with people they love. Apparently I’m wrong. I have approximately 923048 people I need to call back and none of the ones I called tonight could talk.  Perhaps I need to rethink my weekend routine. Except for Skype. Because weekend Skyping is the shit and I love it so very much. I don’t think that’ll change for a while.

Making it Shine

2012 is going to be one hell of a year. I can just feel it. I hesitate to call it the Year of KP because the last time I did that I had some good things happen (I traveled to London and graduated from NMU) but then some bad things happened (I took a job that was a horrific fit, got depressed, gained an ulcer and lost some hair, quit then ended up barely making ends meet by being a retail girl). So I won’t proclaim this year as my year. But I’ll be damned if I won’t make it my year…unofficially at least.

Not only do I want to take on challenges ala Gaga, but I have a couple of fun goals I’d like to accomplish:

• Celebrate my birthday (or some approximation therein) at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
• See Lady Gaga in concert

I’ve given a lot of thought to what else I want to take on this year, though. I’m acutely aware of how much my life could change this year and the thought both excites and terrifies me. But being on the verge of 30, I recognize that I need to put on my big girl shoes (which are sparkly and give me some good height, of course) and take on this year and all that comes with it. So instead of making any resolutions past “Gaga”, I’ve decided to put in place some markers to help me write the story of my life this year.

• Intentionality: this will be my reoccurring theme reminding me to be present, enjoy the moment and to truly make decisions based on not just my heart but my head. It will also serve me well to focus and follow through, which–I admit–I have some issues with doing at times.
• Creativity: a driving force in my life that helps me to express myself. I’ll write in some way at least 2 to 3 times a week, finish any projects that are born in my mind (and that I have supplies for), try at least one new recipe a week and discover at least one new musical artist and movie each month.
• Love: where would I be without this in all it’s wondrous forms? I want the people in my life to know how much I value them, so weekly phone dates with old friends, movie nights/coffee dates/shopping trips with close friends and as much time as possible with my partner are vital to nourishing my heart and connections. I don’t ever want to take the people I love for granted.
• Health: not the highest priority on my list, but it needs to be. Less TV and more books. More water and less caffeine and sugar. Time just for me to relax (which could be the hardest goal to achieve given my line of work) on a daily basis. Less time staring at screens and more time engaging in the world. Move. My. Butt. All of these things are necessary for me to feel like a more healthy person.
• Money: two words: budget smackdown. No more eating out. No more unnecessary trips to Target or clicking sprees on Amazon. This will hopefully lead to a fatter savings account. I need to save for my future and not just indulge (too much) in the present. The peace of mind this will bring is better than any sparkly thing I could buy at Kohls.
• Attitude: in times of ambiguity I turn from a fabulous, sparkling woman into an insecure, teary little girl. Fear will not rule my life this year. I refuse to let it. I have so much good in my life and I have so much good to give. If I sparkle, my life will reflect that and negativity will be deflected. So fuck off, fear–I’m going to shine. I just know it.

I now interrupt the silence for this lovely post…

I really, really, really, really need to remember that when it comes to things I really want, I am truly the only thing standing in my own way.

So fear? Shut the fuck up. Because I’m not listening to you anymore.

And doubt? The door is that way so get out.

I’m tired of being a prisoner for my doubts and fears. I’m almost 30 years old. And I’m fucking fabulous. I can do anything I put my mind to.

And that starts with vanquishing the negative.

Bring it, 2012.

Day 31: One Word

Rounding out the project and the year, the last prompt of the year for the Reverb Broad’s 2011 Writing Challenge wants to know “What is your “one word”? One word for this year, one word for next year.”

Here’s a little backstory for those of you not in the know: the One Word Resolution began last year as a reflective question in a blog for professionals in my field last year. To better understand it you can click here.

OK then. That explanation took a lot less time than I thought it would. Moving on…

For 2011 I wanted a word that expressed my inner diva, drive and inspiration. For 2011 my One Word Resolution was “shine”. I chose the word because I liked the definition I found online: “1.) to give forth or glow with light; shed or cast light. 2.) to be bright with reflected light; glisten; sparkle.” I wanted to inspire my students and those I loved; I wanted to help illuminate lives and reflect my happiness and light onto the world. I wanted to challenge myself to be a positive presence in everything I did. I used the word to guide my work and my life.

For 2012 I’m taking my One Word in a different direction. As much as I love words like “shine” and “focus” and “grow” I want to shake things up in my life. I need a word that encompasses my hopes and dreams for this year. I need something that’s going to motivate me to dig deeper, go further, and push myself.

So for 2012, my one word resolution is this:

GAGA.

The Lady stands for everything I admire and want to be: creativity. Passion. Drive. Commitment. Loyalty. Grace. Determination. Future-focused. She doesn’t just sing a song, she creates a vision and follows through with it. When she’s penning lyrics, she’s envisioning the music video, the choreography and the costume she’ll wear for it onstage for that song. When she believes in a cause she uses her voice to inspire change and her power to move the world. She’s one of the biggest pop stars on the planet yet she’s humble about her success and uses her popularity to push her towards bigger things. She’s driven and motivated in ways I rarely see. Any fear she feels, she uses as a catalyst to propel herself forward to do good, dig deep and achieve more. She’s so much more than a singer in my book. She’s my inspiration for my new year.

So this year, as I anticipate some twists in my journey of life, I’ll channel Gaga. I’ll use my fear to push me forward and become a better version of myself. I’ll use my creativity to learn more about myself and hopefully inspire others. I’ll focus on my passions so I can better serve others. I want to grow in new ways this year and take on life in ways I never thought possible. I don’t want fear to rule my life–I figure one way I can help achieve this is to ask what Gaga would do given my journey and choices.

I don’t know what 2012 holds for me, but I’m excited to see how my journey unfolds. And with Gaga as a guide–how could I not win at life?