Leap of Faith

Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we’ll do everything we can to get you back….so, well, I took it.

Ross: That’s great! So you’re staying in New York!…You’re excited, right?

Rachel: (hesitant) Ye-ah. Yeah! You know, the money’s great. It’s certainly the easier choice…Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely… but you know, this is… it’s fine. I’m fine going back to a job where I’ve pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can…

Ross: I had no idea you were so excited about Paris. Umm, I mean, you said you were scared.

Rachel: Well yeah, but I mean, it was good scared though, you know? Like when I-moved-to-New-York scared. Or umm, when I-found-out-I-was-gonna-have-Emma scared… But this is… fine..

~ ~ ~

Leap Year comes around once every four years. For the life of me I can’t remember what I’ve done in years past on February 29th. But because I’m going through an interesting period of reflection and growth in my life, I decided that this Leap Day would be one that is both terrifying and poetic.

So today I put in my letter of resignation.

It’s been something that’s been on my mind for a while. It’s nothing that will come as a surprise to my supervisor or my close work colleagues or friends. I’m not in a job where one stays for decades at a time. Live-in positions are, at their best, transitory in their stability–they’re there to give people a foot in the door, some great professional growth and a lot of great anecdotes and stories along the way. Right now, I’m in year 3 at my first post-grad school position. I’ve had some amazing times and grown a lot. But it’s time for me to move on.

It’s painful to admit this as I’ve grown to love the community and the friends I’ve made in the division. I’m finally making a name for myself within the school and I’m not afraid to use my voice and take advantage of opportunities. I have a strong staff and I’m cultivating quite a few mentor-mentee relationships with students at the moment.

And yet.

There are days when I want to scream out of frustration. There are moments when I’ve questioned my sanity in my career choice. There have been times when I’ve called my boyfriend or a friend crying and shaking because of the stress that being in my position can bring.

It’s time to move on.

I feel blessed because I’m excited about the path that will be opening because of this resignation. I’ll end the year and say my goodbyes. And then I’ll follow my heart.

I’ll follow my heart. Staying true to myself and doing this is singularly the most thrilling and terrifying thing that I can do. While innately I know that everything will end fabulously, getting to that point–through the murk and ambiguity and stress and doubt–is going to be a hard road. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I’m practically paralyzed with fear. But writing the letter today was the right thing to do. It’s time for a new chapter, for new growth and new experiences. It’s time to explore another path.

The Friends quote at the beginning of the entry was from an episode that happened to be on this afternoon as I was taking a break. I teared up when I heard Rachel talking about her new opportunity in Paris and how scared-yet-excited she was about it because that’s exactly where I am right now. There couldn’t have been any clearer of a sign from The Universe. I did the right thing this Leap Day. I took a huge leap of faith. While I may not end up in Paris like Ms. Green did (or–ultimately–didn’t because of love), I know that as long as I keep listening to my heart and feeling support from my friends (and The Universe!) I’ll be fine.

Day 22: Outside the Box

Today the Broads want to know “If someone made a board game of your life, what would it look like? What pieces would you need to play?”

This topic confused me. OK, confused is not the right word….this topic made my brain want to implode. I read a lot of the Broads’ entries, I reflected on this for a long time and eventually I’ve come to realize this:

My life would not be made into a board game.

I’m OK with this. And, no, I’m not trying to cop out on the topic. It’s really true–my life would never be a board game. And here’s why: My life is too random and fabulous and lovely to be boxed in and one dimensionalized.

Instead, here are the tools needed in order to live life the KP way:

• A sense of whimsy and wonder. View the world as if everything (or most things at least) are magical.
• A big sense of humor. Life is more enjoyable when you laugh.
• A wicked sense of adventure. Be up for anything. Say yes far more often than you say no.
• Passion. Great things (and fun things) are only accomplished with passion. A zest for life is necessary.
• The ability to use your voice. Speak up for yourself; stand up for your needs and what you believe in. Otherwise things may not be as enjoyable or positive as they could be.
• Nearly no shame. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Don’t let the fear of being embarrassed stop you from trying something new.
• Fear. Acknowledge that things may not go how you want them to go. Then take a deep breath, jump in and do the best you can. Fear is a sign that you’re on the right path…or so I’ve heard.
• The ability to reflect. Learn to make meaning from your experiences. Life is much richer and deeper that way.
• A love of learning. It goes hand in hand with the reflection piece.
• Good friends and/or a strong partner. Because life is more fun when you’re sharing a joke, glass of wine or experience together. (They, also, should have many of the items on this list.)

I’m not saying I have everything figured out. On the contrary, I feel as though I fly by the seat of my pants, hyperventilate, reevaluate and reflect on a regular basis. But I also feel like I’m in a very positive place in my life and I’m excited to see where my journey (or game!) takes me.

Day 20: Life is Beautiful

Today the Reverb Broad’s Writing Challenge asks “Life is a work of art, or so they say.  What beauty do you regularly appreciate/revere in your life?”

This about sums up how I feel about life and art. Appreciate as much of it as you can and do your best to make your life and the lives of those around you beautiful because we are all connected. Take the time to do lovely things, even if it’s just adding a smiley face to your signature, a flower to your hair or a nice text to your friend. Everything is connected, so if you look at the world as a magical thing, it will be that way. Appreciate as much as you can because once you start you’ll be amazed at all that you see.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Sang it!

Holly and me at my favorite karaoke bar. My favorite part of this picture is how I look like I'm about to eat my mic. Nom nom!

It is no secret that I love karaokeing. I was hooked from the first time a crappy little monitor and stereo was set up in the lobby of my residence hall and the silly Res-Life staff allowed my friends and I to belt out boy band songs. For four minutes I was in the spotlight, singing my heart out and loving every second of it. The love affair grew when I turned 21 and soon thereafter discovered Flanigans, the local karaoke bar, complete with cheap beer, shady-looking locals and all the 80s songs anyone could care to sing. My friends and I spent nearly every weekend there, belting out favorite songs and choreographing back-up dances to each others’ solos. Flani’s is one of the places I love most in life because of the memories and the karaoke.

Whenever I return to Marquette I make it my Goal in Life to return to my favorite little dive bar. This year is no different, but with a twist. I’ll be bringing my wonderful boyfriend with me…but I am a bit nervous. He is a music connoisseur in every sense of the word, so he is especially stoked to go to my little karaoke bar to belt out some of his favorite tunes. Some of these songs, however? Are against The Golden Karaoke Rules (trademark pending).

The GKRs, as my friends and I refer to them, were created during the many nights we spent at the bar, listening to others sing while we (in)patiently waited to steal the spotlight. We noticed some patterns with the patrons and their song choices and after having our ears nearly bleed several dozen times, we created The Golden Karaoke Rules.

1. NO SLOW SONGS. Seriously, they’re boring and depressing as fuck when all we all want to do is have a good time, dammit.
2. No epic ballads. Is your name Mariah or Whitney? Do you have a Grammy or five? No? Then don’t try to belt out one of their songs because seriously you’ll just make our ears hurt.
3. DO. NOT. SING. “PICTURE”. You know that duet by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow? And how it’s all slow and depressing?  Don’t sing it. Seriously, you don’t have the range and you’ll get a lot of groans from the audience because that female part is a LOT pitchier than you may think. So honey? Don’t try. No.
4. There is strength in numbers. You may sound off-key. But if there are five of you up there singing “I Touch Myself” it’s no longer an issue of being off-key as much as it’s an instant party!
5. Throw-backs are awesome! Singing a song from your childhood is a great way to get the crowd excited. Singing some random deep track from an obscure singer who was famous before 1980 however? A good way to elicit some boo-ing (mostly from me).

My friends and I think that these are simple rules and very user-friendly. Some people disagree, unfortunately. (The number of times I’ve heard “Picture” attests to the fact that we need to spread the word about the GKRs faster.) So to help these people (and my boyfriend who loves a good obscure 70s song more than anyone I know), I created a quick reference quiz.

• Is the song slow to mid-tempo?
• Is the song from the 1970s or before?
• Would the song be considered cheesy to the majority of the people in the bar?
• Is the song by an artist who is either practically unheard of or a one-hit wonder?

If the answer to two or more of these questions is “yes” then choose another song. For the sake of humanity. Because we all just want to have a good time. And sing along.