Dear Santa

Every year I post a holiday wishlist. This year it’s coming a little later than I’d like, but still. Here are the things my little heart desires this season:

• Jane Lynch’s memoir Happy Accidents. She’s brilliant and hilarious–I have a feeling her autobiography will be a fun read since she’s snarky and has been around the Hollywood scene for a while.
• The Lady Gaga coffee table book. It’s huge and heavy but oh so lovely. Must…get…it…
• Jewelry. I love sparkly, pretty things. Oh yes. It doesn’t even need to be expensive! You can’t go wrong with getting me  a piece of costume jewelry. I’m really into long necklaces, button earrings and lace right now.
• A wok. You read that correctly. I need a wok for my kitchen. I stir fry at least once a week. This lovely addition would make my life so happy.
• DVDs. I’d love to add season 2 of Glee, The Office’s 7th season  or seasons 6 and 7 of Boy Meets World to my collection. Minnesota winters are long and cold so having a bunch of DVDs to curl up with makes it more tolerable.
• A tea kettle. Once upon a time I bought a lovely tea kettle. It served me well for many years. And then the bottom slightly eroded and leaked a lake onto my stovetop. Now I need a new one. I adore this purple one from Ginny’s. So cute! And colorful!
• A new car. Hey, a girl can dream, right?
• A dream cruise for two for me and my love. Our one year anniversary is coming up early in the year, so that’d be a fun way to celebrate (instead of how we may be celebrating it–in different states. Ah, long distance how awesome you are). (How time flies!) Again–I’m allowed to dream. This is my wishlist, dammit!
• Michigan wine. There’s just something about the Rieslings from my home state that can’t be beat. Yum.
• To keep having adventures. This may be broad and abstract, but this year was awesome for adventuring and growing and I want to keep doing that in 2012 and beyond.
• A pony. I’ve wanted one since I was four. I still want one. This is the one item that will always remain on my wishlist. Oh yes.
• A good massage. It can come from a friend, partner or professional, it doesn’t.  All I know is I need one and soon. The tension in my shoulders–ack!
• To be home for Christmas. I want to make it there safely and to have a few lovely days with the people I love the most.
• For everyone I love to have a wonderful, joyous and safe holiday season. Let it be everyone’s best yet, Santa.

The No-Car Conundrum

I am officially without a car. Truth be told, I’ve technically been sans car since the Spring. Only then I was in denial–I’ll fix it, it’s fine! Mighty Rexy will roar again. Only…not so much. The car was a 1993 Grand Am–they’re not exactly built to last forever. And when I said I’d drive it until I ran it into the ground? Mission accomplished there.

I was fine with driving it until it died for a couple of reasons:
   a.) new (or newer) cars are expensive and I liked not having a monthly bill that would set me back hundreds of dollars.
   b.) I wasn’t sure where life would take me and I didn’t want to be saddled down with a vehicle if there was a chance I’d end up in a place like Chicago or Seattle. You know–a city with good public transportation options. I’m all about utilizing my options and not driving whenever possible.

My issue now, however, is that I’m, uh, not living in a city. I live in a rural area where a vehicle is necessary. Kind of. I live where I work so I don’t have to worry about a commute, which is a big blessing. But I’m stuck because I don’t necessarily want to purchase a vehicle. I don’t have the money to buy a car outright (I work in the field of higher ed–professionals in this field aren’t exactly millionaires) and I don’t know that I want to be saddled with a car loan and insurance payment. I enjoy having money–and the freedom to travel and buy clothes and non-generic groceries. Plus there’s the uncertainty of the future–what if I’m not living in a rural area for that much longer? Why invest in something that I may not use for that long?

That’s not to say that just because I’m choosing at this moment to not have a car that it isn’t frustrating. Because it is. I’m a highly independent woman so having to depend on others sucks. A lot. I stress out when I ask friends if I can go with them to buy groceries. Impromptu trips to Target are super-exciting just because I don’t get to go there as much as I’d like at the moment.  And it sucks not having the freedom to jump in my car and see a movie on a whim or travel to the Cities for an art exhibit or musical. It feels like I’m a caged bird. Or like my wings are clipped. Take your pick of metaphors. Any way you look at it, it’s not fun. I’m just torn about what to do.

I realize that at some point I’m going to need to put on my big-girl pants and deal with this. I’m not blind or stupid. But for some reason I feel paralyzed by fear over this whole thing because I have massive fears of budgets and debt. I haven’t dealt with it up until this point because of that. Foolishly I think that my problem will magically be solved–I’ll win the lottery or somehow be gifted a car. (Hey, it could happen.) I’m realistic enough to know that’s probably not the case, but I feel frozen. All I know at the moment is that I don’t like how stressed I am about something that amounts to a hunk of metal and a first world problem. Innately I know that everything will work out, I just need to be patient. And smart. And intentional. In the meantime I’ll be grateful for the fact that I live-on and I have plenty to do to keep me busy. I’m looking at this time in my life as a creative and minimalist challenge that I’m thankful for. Because this may be a shitty and stressful situation but I refuse to let it bring me down. I’m too good for that.

Grown Up Wishlist

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and what I want it to look like. I hope that I’ll be journeying through it with someone who I love while discovering more about who I am in regards to being in a long-term, hopefully married relationship at some point in my life. While I don’t know what will happen (do any of us really?) I do know what kind of stuff I want once I’m in a place where I can put down roots. The following is a collection of things that I’ve known I’ve wanted for my Grown Up Life (GUL) for quite some time now…

I don’t care how many couches or recliners there are in my Grown-Up Living Room as long as I can have a massive, overstuffed chair. Just looking at this makes me want to curl up with a glass of wine and a good novel. This is going to be the first thing I buy (well, besides maybe a bed) once I have to furniture shop for my post-live-in life.

Yes. Yes. Just…yes. Blame it on Beauty and the Beast but I need to have a room devoted to books. Yum. It also goes without saying that my GUL will include a partner who is passionate about learning and reading as well. Yes.

I’m a creative person, so I’ll need a creative space. A Creation Room where I can write, scrapbook and make things would be ideal. I’m realistic enough to recognize that an entire room may not be feasible unless I’m living in a mansion, so I’d settle for half a room to share with a partner’s office. Or something. But a creative space is necessary for my sanity.

Call it a pipedream, call it the Carrie Bradshaw syndrome, but if I could have a walk-in closet complete with soft lighting and a fabulous settee I’d be one happy girl. I need a good space for all my accessories and clothes. My wardrobe is getting to be a beast of it’s own and I’m ok with that so long as I have space to put it all. This lovely place would do nicely in my Grown Up Life.

Awww! So cuuuuuuute! Want…one….now. I’ve never wanted babies, but I do want a dog or two. Preferrably a Dachsund or a Corgi. Or, if I had the room I’d get a Husky. Either way, my Grown Up Life WILL have a dog in it because it’s killing me that I can’t have one at this point in my life.

A city life. While I recognize that this may not be as feasible if I’m in a partnership and there’s extenuating circumstances, in my perfect version of my GUL I’d live in a city. Give me culture, give me diversity, give me inspiration in the form of street fairs and random adventures and give me cute neighborhoods with small bookstores and local coffeeshops. I’ve never had the pleasure of living in a city and my heart aches because I want to experience it so badly.

I know that no matter what happens, I’ll be happy, wishlist acquired or not. But a girl can dream. And I happen to be very good at that.

Epic Wish

“My bride and I remarry in a different state or country every year. This year, number fourteen, we went to New Mexico and got remarried in a hot air balloon! Our other crazy weddings have been in a 500-year-old windmill in Germany, swimming with the dolphins (Best mammal and Brides mammal), at the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas, and in Las Vegas as King and Queen at Excalibur.” (Source)

After reading that story, I realized something: I don’t need a life of epic romance. What I do need, though, are moments of epic romance throughout my lifetime. Moments that make me feel like lightning is coursing through my body. Times when my breath gets caught from the sheer emotion and beauty of an honest, authentic, lovely moment. Memories that give me shivers or make my toes curl, even years later. They don’t need to be grand; they just need to be genuine. (Though the idea of remarrying each year is a lovely one–especially among the dolphins or in Europe…though I’d do it in a castle.) This is my wish: for a life sprinkled with moments of beautifully epic romance. It’s the closest I may come to a fairy tale.

Wishing and Hoping…

It’s really happening. And fast. Soon I’ll be blowing out the candles and celebrating another birthday. I’m a bit stunned because I don’t feel like a year had gone by. It seems like only last week that people were singing me happy birthday in the middle of a conference luncheon (true story–and I loved every second of it!).  While there have been one or two dark spots, overall my Golden Year (aka my 28th year on the planet) has been a glittering success. I’m going to be sad to bid it farewell in exactly two weeks. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure how thrilled I am to be celebrating my final year in my 20s. I don’t feel that old. How did the time go so fast?!?

I’m not one to reflect for too long on cliche’ things; instead I choose to focus my energy on things that are more interesting. Like my wishlist for my birthday. As has become a tradition (for both my b-day and the holiday season), I like to create a wishlist of things I’d like to have because I figure it can’t hurt to send my wishes out to the Universe to see what happens. It’s not like I expect to get my own private island or a Ferrari, but that doesn’t mean they can’t go on the list just in case. So now I present to you…

My Wishes for My 29th Birthday:

• A new(er) car. Seriously, if you saw the state of Rexy, you’d be donating money to me right now. 29 is a grown-up age; I need a more grown-up car. Or, um, at least one that starts. And doesn’t have flat tires. Sigh.
• A dog. I. Want. A. Pet. Preferrably a Dachsund or a Corgi. (Of course, this will likely stay a pipe dream until I choose to live off-campus for my career.)
• To be published. In a magazine, a memoir, another short story collection–it doesn’t matter. I want to concentrate more on my writing and putting things out there for more people to read. I love seeing my name in black and white on a crisp page.
• To continue to experience love. I’m in the best relationship of my life right now and I want it to keep going down that mostly blissful path. I want to experience a healthy, loving relationship and discover who I can be inside of one.  I want to see where love can take me…and I want to be able to release my fears so I can fully experience this love and my incredible boyfriend.
• World peace. Because the world is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S right now and we could use peace.
• Creativity. Or, more specifically, the ability to focus my creativity so I can follow through and start (and then finish fully) the project I get excited about, whether it’s working my way through The Artist’s Way, working on a multimedia art project, scrapbooking or carving out time weekly (or daily) to write.
• A pony. Because I’ve always wanted one and I’ll keep on wishing for one until I die.
• Boy Meets World. Seasons 4 through 6. Because it’s one of my favorite tv shows EVER.
• Friends. Seasons 4 through 10. Because it’s my another favorite. And my comfort show that never fails to make me happy even after a long, hard day.
• Kitchen stuff. Because apparently I’m becoming domesticated. A lovely popcorn popper (NOT an air popper) and a wok would be nice additions to the domestication. Also? Wine glasses. Because I have exactly two mismatched ones right now.
• Anything from my Amazon wishlist. You can find it here: http://amzn.com/w/2YCCW6NGQXQ2W  Yup.
• Gift certificates. Target. Barnes & Noble. Sephora. iTunes. Because this girl? Likes to shop.
• A lovely card. Or email. Or text or voicemail. My Love Language is Words of Affirmation, so any time someone says something lovely or sweet to me, it inspires me endlessly–especially if it’s in a form that I can store and look back on later. A sweet note or card from Hallmark goes a looong way with this girl.
• Cupcakes. Seriously, doesn’t that picture look divine? Mmm…cupcakes…
• Wine. After my Sonoma vacation/education (thanks, Wifey!) I am hooked. Pay no attention to the fact that I have six bottles in my kitchen already. I can never have too much wine!
• To continue checking things off my bucket list. I fully acknowledge that I lead a charmed life and that I am fully blessed. Perhaps that’s why I continue to hunger to experience all that life has to offer, so if anyone wants to whisk me away to New Orleans for Mardi Gras or go zip-lining with me, hook a girl up!