Today’s question for the Reverb Broad’s Writing Challenge implores me: “Instead of a list of your favorite things, write a list of your least favorite things, e.g. Worst book you ever finished, the color you hate, bad songs, bad romances, bad recipes, etc…”
We’re now a week or so away from Christmas. Seriously, not to sound cliche’, but where the eff did this month go?!? I’m definitely all kinds of holiday spirited right now. Yesterday I baked 9 dozen cookies and whipped up some peanut butter fudge for my students and today I’ve been immersed in crafting gifts. I love this time of year! What I don’t love, however, are some of the holiday songs on the radio. Pandora is usually good about providing all sorts of Christmas cheer to me, but there are a few songs I absolutely loathe. These tunes have the ability to turn me from a giddy little girl into a Grinch in three notes flat.
- The Christmas Shoes. OH MY GOD. Not only is this is shoddily written song, it was made solely to make us all feel like utter crap. It couldn’t just be a bad country song (or Christian song or whatever), it had to be a holiday song just to be even more hackneyed in its attempt to make listeners feel “touched”. Or something. Plus it’s far too long. If a song is trying to tug at heartstrings it should be able to do it in two and a half minutes. Anything longer than that and it just sucks. I HATE THIS SONG SO MUCH.
- This Christmas. I always think I like this song…until it gets to the chorus and it just begins to grate on my nerves. I just can’t like it. I want to. I’ve listened to every freakin’ version of this song ever. And I still hate it. The chorus is just–ugh. I can’t even describe it. I think it’s more the notes and arrangement of the music that make me cringe than the lyrics, but still. I just can’t listen to this song. Sorry, songwriter of this tome.
- Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. I grew up in the UP where a hokey, cheesy musical group (I use that term very loosely) had novelty songs on the local radio stations often. I assumed that this Christmas song was one of them–the singers sound like Yoopers and they make many references that could be construed as odes to the Upper Peninsula. I was surprised when I moved downstate to continue to hear this song. It’s actually a national phenomenon, which is kind of sad. The song talks about Grandma getting drunk, stumbling home and dying. And the singers are wondering what to do about her gifts! That’s not funny! And ok, maybe, I’m sensitive since I had a grandma die around the holiday season (from natural consequences not a magical North Pole creature) but seriously, that’s not funny to me.
- River. All lovers of music are going to gasp at this addition but it’s on my list because it should not be considered a Christmas song. Just because the lyrics mention the holiday season does not mean it’s a holiday song. Glee just covered this song and when Rachel was done singing it Artie commented that he wanted to commit suicide because it was so damn depressing. I agree. It’s a lovely song but it shouldn’t be played on Christmas song stations. No…just no.
And just because I like to focus on the good, here are some of my favorite holiday songs:
- Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans Siberian Orchestra. Really, any of their songs are amazing, but this one was the first I heard from there and it still rocks my world over 15 years later. Plus, now I’ll always have the image of Dwight from The Office air guitaring to this thanks to this season’s Christmas special.
- Santa Baby. As a feminist I should hate this song but I can’t. I think it’s cute and fun. And if I were a drag queen I’d perform the hell out of it.
- O Holy Night. My favorite traditional song. I cry every year when it’s sung during the Christmas Eve candlelight service. I think it’s so hauntingly beautiful.
- Deck the Rooftop from Glee. I love love LOOOOOOVEEEEEE this Glee mashup. It’s my current holiday obsession.
- Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by *NSync. I can’t help it. I love this song and it makes me so happy. I have a whole Pandora station based around this song. And it’s SO GOOD. (Please try not to judge me.)
- The entire Charlie Brown Christmas album. Instant Christmas for me. This is not only my favorite holiday CD but one of my favorite CDs of all time. It’s so simple but so well done with the jazz fusion and children’s choir.
